Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Place To Find All Your Off-Season Non-Story Stories!

- Dolphins pre-season tickets go on sale Saturday. Hurry up and get your chance to see Trent Green play a series or two before the Cleo Lemon Era takes over. Although it should be cool to see John Beck take his first snaps in an NFL game, albeit against 3rd stringers and guys looking to find a job. But still.

- George W. Bush does not care about black people. Nor does he show much fondness for Nick Saban. Quick question for you: What do you call one dick who doesn't like another dick? An intolerant dick. Zing!

- I think I've found my new favorite blog. Awesomeness. Is that a word? It is now because it applies to the good and noble work being done by these outstanding individuals.


And now ... request time:

Fresh off the presses (no really, it's from the latest issue of GQ), Jessica!!!!!!!!!:



And for the ladies:
Ok ladies, lap it up ... cuz that's all you're gonna get. I am, after all, the Miami Sports DUDE. And if you've been a reader long enough, well, you know I'm all about the babes. So ... you want hot pics of Brad Pitt, knock yourself out. Otherwise, bookmark this page because this is our last and only stop to hot-dude's-without-shirts-ville. You see ladies, I don't care for men. I find them repugnant and unappealing. But that's just me. Sorry.

Hope you still love me, MSD ladies.

Because I will never stop loving you....

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# posted by The Dude : 9:10 AM  9 comments

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Culpepper Is Grieve-ed

Wednesday Bullets:

- The NFLPA filed a grievance yesterday against the Dolphins on behalf of Daunte Culpepper, claiming the team is denying him the opportunity to compete for a job. The grievance basically came from Friday's mini-camp when Culpepper was asked to leave the field. Attorney for the NFLPA, Richard Berthelsen, says that C-Pep is employed by the Fins and should be allowed to compete for a job or released outright. Berthelsen also made this curious statement:

"You can't make the club in the tub. If he is being withheld from drills, then he isn't being given a chance to compete for a job." [bolds mine]

Oh I beg to differ Mr. Bethlehem? Bethlovessome? Berthlesen ... that is exactly how this club has been built the last decade. In a fucking tub!

- SI.com's Bucky Brooks says No Face is in for a big year!

"Possessing the speed and quickness of a receiver, Martin gives them a bona fide threat down the middle. And while he has never caught more than 27 passes in a season, he has all of the tools to play the role of Antonio Gates (Cameron's tight end in San Diego) in the Dolphins' new offense. Moreover, new Miami QB Trent Green is used to throwing to a tight end after playing with Tony Gonzalez in Kansas City. It would not be a surprise to see Martin double his career high next season."

I like the sound of that. Unfortunately "doubling his career high" would mean like more than 2 TDs in a season or something like that. Martin is notorious for being fragile. And the comparisons to Antonio Gates is a bit much. But if Bucky is right, it's all good. And when a guy named Bucky says something, it has to be true.

- Congrats go out to former Heat coach Stan Van Gundy! He's the new man in Orlando. We wish him the best of luck and think he'll do really well up there. Until, of course, the Magic trade for Kevin Garnett to play alongside Dwight Howard. In which case, Stan will retire and Pat Riley will take it from there.

- JD has been all over the Marlins and weighs in on what is arguably the best back-end bullpen in the NL. Let's Go Fish!

- It's only June and already ESPN is cumming all over themselves over their favorite NFL team.

- Speaking of, my boys over at KSK tell us that King Douche won't talk about his private life.

- Cam likes Ted Ginn Jr. He even paraphrased Dennis Green:

"He was everything I thought he was and then some"

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# posted by The Dude : 2:28 PM  3 comments

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Trent Green Still Not A Dolphin ... And Tom Brady Is A Douche

Hope everyone had a happy and safe Memorial Day weekend.


Tuesday Dolphins Bullets:

- Trent Green told 790 the Ticket that he is 90% sure he'll be a Dolphin. He also says that his age and concussion should not be an issue as he's been cleared to play by four different neurosurgeons and neuropcychologists. Green also mentioned that Brett Favre is the same age and has more wear and tear than Green. Green did not mention that Favre is a far superior quarterback with a better arm and a tougher disposition (even if it is with the aid of illegally obtained pain killers).

- Ted Ginn Jr. will be reporting for duty June 7th, one day before the start of the next minicamp. The Dolphins say that Ginn is making progress on his foot injury (is it me, or is that injury taking a long-ass time to heal?). Progress is good.

- Chris Chambers is moving from the Z slot to the X. This means he'll have better chances of lining up against guys one-on-one and exploit mis-matches. No word on whether the change has improved his butterfingeritis.

- In case you forgot or needed a reminder: Tom Brady is an asswipe. I prefer douchebag. But asswipe will do.

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# posted by The Dude : 12:04 PM  5 comments

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Patriots Fans Are The Best

This is the "pizza-throwing" video from yesterday's Angels-Red Sox game. Most of you have seen it by now, I'm sure. But if you haven't, then why not waste 3 and a half minutes of your life and watch it now? (the NESN coverage is hilarious). You won't regret it.

"It's ultimately a tale of fans shit-talking each other
and one beleaguered Boston girlfriend just trying to keep the peace while her
drunken Red Sox boyfriend wants to fight. Basically, the guy who missed the ball
and received the pizza toss had, earlier in the game, been mocking the pizza
tosser for eating a pizza in the stands. So when he missed the foul ball, all
was fair game." [Deadspin]

One of the greatest mysteries of the Universe to me is not The wonders of DNA or Is there a God? or What's the meaning of life? or Will there ever be peace on Earth? No. The greatest mystery to me will always be why ... why on God's green earth ... oh dear Sweet Baby Jesus please explain to me why ... why have these New England uber-douchebags been able to enjoy 3 goddamned Super Bowl winning teams in the last 7 years while we've been suffering for 35 years waiting for just ONE???

Karma is a bitch. A mean-spirited bitch.

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# posted by The Dude : 10:39 AM  9 comments

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Peyton Manning's Mom Was Cut By The Dolphins

Peyton Manning revealed last night on SNL that his Mom, Olivia Manning, tried out and was cut by the Dolphins. Must have been back when Shula was still running things because if it was during the new suck-ass eras, she'd already be signed to a multi-million dollar extention by now.

Hey, if we're going after Trent Green, we should just go ahead and try to re-sign Olivia. Might as well. Signing Trent Green and giving away draft picks for him makes as much sense as signing a middle-aged menopausal woman …

Anyway, in case you missed it, there’s Peyton’s opening monologue from last night’s SNL. Two things to notice -- he takes an awesome shot at the Patriots, and when he introduces his family, little brother Eli looks as awkward and indecisive as he does in the pocket. Great unintentional comedy.

And below – the highlight of the show – a United Way spoof that is an instant classic. Enjoy...

Update (Monday 12:50 PM): The cronies at NBC are cracking down on their videos being shown on YouTube. I managed to track down another one and just re-posted it. So, if you haven't seen it yet, hurry up and click play and watch it before the NBC Video Gestapo take this one down too...

Update 2 (Wednesday 12:18 PM): I tracked down yet another one and reposted it again. I'm like the Robin Hood of YouTube. The cool Errol Flynn Robin Hood. Not the shitty Kevin Coster Robin Hood. Although I can also be the Disney Robin Hood because he was portrayed by a Fox and that's exactly what I am ...

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# posted by The Dude : 12:23 PM  2 comments

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