Monday, November 20, 2006

The REAL Defensive Player Of The Year

I hate the mainstream sports media. Have I mentioned this before? I’m sure I have. I hate the so-called "expert" talking heads. I hate Sean Salisbury, Chris Berman, Cris Collinsworth, pretty much the entire ESPN Sports Center Staff of Anchors and all the morons out there in the mainstream media that think they know when, in actuality, they don’t know shit.

Before the Sunday night game between the Chargers and Broncos last night, the morons at NBC set up something called the Toyota Player of The Day. This is where you, Average Joe Football Watcher gets to vote for Sunday's Player Of The Day. And you, Average Joe Football Watcher can then see which player the NBC “experts” voted for. You know, so you can rub elbows with the Gods and shit. They really go out of their way to make you, Average Joe Football Watcher, “feel” like an expert too. Just like them! Only, of course, your opinion is considered as important to them as a landfill – where the rest of the garbage is collected and stacked and buried.

Anyway, the candidates for this thing, as picked by the NBC “experts,” were Brian Urlacher, Tom Brady, Chad Johnson and Frank Gore. It’s a fine list of worthy candidates. All four players had solid, if not great, games to help their teams win.

The problem I have with this is with the one name that was completely omitted from this list.

Jason Fucking Taylor!


Urlacher apparently won the vote. But remember, the candidates are nominated by the NBC "experts." Yes, Urlacher did have a fine game over the Jets. He ended his game with 6 tackles and a key interception in the Jets’ endzone to seal the shut out over New York. And that’s all good and fine.

But come on!

Not only did Taylor have 5 tackles in Miami’s win over the Vikings. He won the game. By himself. He had a key sack towards the end of regulation and, before that, he had an amazing interception which he returned for a touchdown. And by amazing, I mean a-freakin-mazing! The Vikings were driving for the win against the Fins when they tried to set up a screen pass to running back Chester Taylor. As Jason rushed the QB, he immediately read the offense’s intention, stopped in his tracks, pulled back and shadowed the Viking running back as Brad Johnson threw the pass. Taylor then contorted his body and plucked the ball out of the air and then ran it back for the game-winning touchdown.

And Brian Urlacher gets NBC’s nod as the lone defensive standout and Player of the Week nomination?

That’s the main stream media for you.

Let’s just forget Jason Taylor, who has not only single-handedly been responsible for the Dolphins current winning streak, he outplayed and outshined Urlacher and the entire vaunted Bears defense in Chicago three weeks ago and handed Urlacher and the Bears their first and only loss of the season. Taylor is on a four game tear and if the Dolphins pull off the impossible and make the playoffs, it will be because Jason Taylor is flat out the single best defensive player in all of football. Period.

Not Urlacher.

Not Champ Baily.

Not Teddy Bruschi.

Not Julius Peppers.


If the Dolphins do sniff the playoffs this season, not only should Taylor be Defensive Player of the Year but he also needs serious MVP considerations (although I’ll admit LaDanian Tomlinson clearly deserves it.).

Either way, I’m sure the mainstream media and sports writers everywhere will hand the award to their media darling Urlacher and give Taylor a bullshit token Defensive Player of November award.

But we know who the real defensive player of the week and the season is.

Mr. Urlacher, here is your ass – compliments of Mr. Taylor.

Bob Costas and Cris Collinsworth can bite me.


Still The ONLY Perfect Team

It’s that time of year again! Time for the rest of the nation to be annoyed, disgusted and utterly sickened once again as the Old Crypt Keepers known as the members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins break out the champagne and toast – themselves!

The previously perfect Indianapolis Colts finally lost yesterday to the Dallas Cowboys, ending their bid for a perfect season. Just three weeks ago, our very own current Dolphins ended the Chicago Bears bid for perfection. This means that all 32 teams in the NFL have lost at least one game this season. All 32 teams have a blemished record.

And so there you have it. The Miami Dolphins are still the only team in the history of the NFL to have a perfect season (17-0). And as per their custom, Nick Buoniconti, Larry Czonka, Bob Kuechenberg and the rest of the Bitter Old Men’s Club will pop open a bottle of Dom and toast yet another season where they stand alone atop the mountain of perfection.

As a Dolphins fan this makes me happy. How can it not? I mean, there hasn’t been much else to celebrate as a Dolphins fan and as I mentioned in a previous post, so what if the rest of America hates this ritual. Fuck them. Sean Salisbury spews his man juice all over Tom Brady and Peter King has multiple orgasms over Brett Favre every time they’re on TV or in print and I have to take it? So I, along with the '72 Dolphins and Dolphins fans everywhere, dish it right on back. Take that assholes!!

You bet your sweet ass I was turning cartwheels when we not only beat the “unbeatable” Bears in their home stadium but we also ended any talk of the '85 Bears, let alone the '72 Dolphins on that day. And, normally, you couldn’t pay me to ever cheer for the Dallas Cowboys. But there I was yesterday, cheering on a guy named Romo and even – that’s right – the pill-poppin children's book author known as Terrell Owens.

This is all we’ve got to hang our hats on, fellow Dolphins Fans. The 1972 Perfect Season Dolphins are the face of this franchise. The Yankees have Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. The Cowboys have Tom Landry and Roger Staubach. The Packers have Vince Lombardi, Bart Starr and Brett Favre. The Dolphins – we have Don Shula, Dan Marino and the greatest single season team in the history of the National Football League.

The 1972 Miami Dolphins. The Perfect Season.

Enjoy it, fellas. Piss off the rest of America. Aggravate the hell out of them.

We love you for it!


Wednesday, November 15, 2006


The good news is, you're the 2006 NL Manager of The Year.

Tha bad news is ... You're fired.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Meaningless? We'll See ...

Are we witnessing another late-season winning streak that will bring us nothing but inflated expectations? You bet your sweet ass we are! Hey, I’m just as happy as the next guy when the Dolphins win. I am, first and foremost, a Dolphins fan.

But there’s something strangely irritating about the current resurgence this team is experiencing. Two very solid wins against two solid teams is something to celebrate. But when the wins are only 2 out of 3 that you have and when they come in the middle of the season when the playoffs seem like an almost impossible mountain to climb … well, excuse me for being the pessimist around here. Or is it realist?

The defense is good. Some might say Super Bowl good. But I think that’s way over-stated and typical over-hyped crap that seems to latch itself onto this team every time it experiences any kind of winning streak. The secondary still has issues, and while Jason Taylor has single-handedly won two games in a row, there are still plenty of issues on the defensive side. Not major issues, mind you. But just enough to make you concerned that they can get lit up by the better offenses in the league in the big games.

As for the offense – Mike Mularkey finally woke up and realized Ronnie Brown plays for us and has decided to give him the damn ball. But the quarterback situation is still in the air. That is to say, Joey Harrington is still our starting quarterback. And as well as he’s been playing and as much moxie that he’s shown, he’s still Joey Harrington. He has no arm strength, his accuracy is questionable and he still makes the bone-headed, drive killing, momentum changing gallactically bad decision more often than not. Mark my words, Dolphins-Fans-Who-Look-At-Everything-As-The-Glass-Half-Full-No-Matter-What: Joey Harrington will find a way to botch a winnable game in the coming weeks. Write it down.

What I’m saying is this: While I love it when my team wins and plays with heart, this little resurgence is, well, too little too late. Just as we saw last season when the Dolphins ran off a 6 game winning streak only to end the season sans playoffs and fool Sports Illustrated into thinking we were actually Super Bowl contenders, so another winning streak at this point would be completely meaningless. I’m all about the big picture. And I’m all about being realistic. Don’t confuse my realism with pessimism. This team is not good enough to make the playoffs, let alone whiff the Super Bowl.

This team still has some glaring holes to fill – particularly on the offensive side of the ball. We need a franchise quarterback to build around and Joey Harrington and Daunte Culpepper are not it. We need a better offensive line and we need youth and speed on the defense.

The win was great and I celebrate with all my fellow Dolphins fans.

But I’m also looking at the big picture here. At best, the Dolphins do the impossible and run the table and eek out a 10-6 record and challenge for the AFC Wild Card. At worst, they lose one more game and that’s it for the season, meanwhile they blow their shot at drafting a stud QB in the NFL Draft next season.

I know there are a lot of folks who agree with me. There are also a lot of folks who disagree with me. That's cool.

All I can say to those who disagree – look at our recent history. This team has been nothing but middle-of-the-road every regular season and every off-season have failed to fill the void left by Dan Marino who, incidentally, was the last quarterback we drafted in the first round.

Too little too late? Meaningless? I guess we'll see. I hope I'm wrong. But history shows otherwise.

We'll see...



Wednesday, November 08, 2006


This is absolutely tragic. I'm profoundly sad at the grim news of Bryan Pata's death. I am a fan of Pata's and expected him to excel in the NFL some day. He would've been a top pick in next year's NFL Draft. A bright future and a bright life tragically and senslessly taken from us.

RIP, Bryan Pata.

Always and forever a part of The U.

Update: Police Are Ruling It A Homicide
Second Update: Pata's MySpace Page (It's filled with tributes & testimonials)


Monday, November 06, 2006


Holy crap … did that really happen? Am I imagining all this? No. I’m not.

It was shades of 1985 as the Dolphins quieted their critics, quieted their alumni and, hell, they even quieted The Dude. Yup, they pretty much quieted … well …pretty much everybody … with this stunning victory.

For the record, I went ape-shit while watching this game. I yelled, pumped my fist like Derek Jeter and screamed out a lot of "Yea Babys!" I was fired up.

As you all know, I’m rooting for a total team melt down so we can get the number one overall pick in next year’s draft. This win may have just cost us that. But it was worth it. I’m so proud of how our boys stepped up and I really love the way Jason Taylor just flat out took over. We haven’t seen that kind of leadership since Marino – the kind that steps up and backs up his words with his play and flat out refuses to lose, no matter the circumstances.

Jason Taylor played out of his mind. And I was screaming my lungs out. I don’t think I’ve ever cheered a 1-6 team with this much passion.

Anyway … great win. And, to cap it off, Tom Brady threw 4 picks in Sunday night’s loss to the Colts. Man, what a weekend! For the record, I don’t think the Colts will go perfect. So, it was okay to root for them when they played the Pats last night. Best of all, Bill Simmons is upset today, which just makes my weekend perfect all around.

And to answer the question of how The Kooch feels about this win – go here.

And for a perspective of a Dolphins fan living in Chicago, who went to the game, go here.

And finally ... no, no, thank you, Don Pierson. Old people are so cute.

P.S. Sorry for the late and brief post. Work is nuts today. If I can, I’ll post more thoughts on this game later. I also want to squeeze in a Borat review. I caught it this weekend. In a word: Brilliant!


Friday, November 03, 2006

Does A Bear Shit In The Woods? -- Miami at Chicago

Yea, you can pretty much count me in as someone else who thinks the Fins have no chance of leaving Chicago with a win this week. You can shut down the whole underdog Dolphins defeating the undefeated Bears back in ’85 talk too. Because that Dolphins team was led by a young Dan Marino settling into his prime. And this Dolphins team is led by a young Joey Harrington who will never have a prime. Unless you count his piano playing skills. I will say this about Joey – he pissed off Kim Bokamper and that is aces in my book! Awesome, Joey. Awesome.

Speaking of the ’72 Dolphins, I’ve always defended their champagne popping antics every time the last undefeated team lost every season. As a Dolphins fan, I am proud that we still hold that record of a perfect season. But the act has grown tiresome to the rest of the football watching world. But fuck them, right? I mean I have to take ESPN’s never ending love fest for all things Belichick and Brady. I have to watch Sean Sailsbury force feed me the Greatness of Peyton Manning and I have to watch every sports geezer drone on and on about Brett Favre’s Messiah-like qualities. So let us have a little something too, you douche bags.

But I do have to say Bob Kuechenberg’s comments this week about the Dolphins having no soul and calling for Saban’s “impeachment” was idiotic. I agree with Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas, who both said Kooch should’ve kept that stuff to himself. Kooch may be right. But, dude, shut up. Bitter much? Yea, I’d say. But whatever. I’m old-school like that I guess. Just keep waiting for that phone call from the Hall of Fame, Koocher. I'm sure it's coming soon.

You’d never hear something like that out of Dan Marino’s mouth or even Don Shula. And both those guys have the biggest rights to say anything derogatory about the Fins publicly than anyone. That's right, I'm grumpy today. Now get off my lawn you damn rotten kids!!!

So, there’s my take on that. Disagree? Let me know in the comments.

Anyway, back to this week’s game. Like I’ve been saying all along, I want us to lose every single game for the remainder of this season. Because I want the number one overall pick in next year’s draft.

We’ll be one step closer to that goal after this week. And it doesn’t help the team’s cause when you wake up and read this.

So there you have it.

Dolphins: 10 (a TD in 4th quarter garbage time)
Bears: 35

Oh and the Heat play the Nets tonight. But I’m hitting the movies to watch Borat tonight, so I’ll have to catch the highlights on Sports Center. Right after the 20 minute vignette of the awesomeness that is Tom Brady...


Thursday, November 02, 2006

23 Minutes ...

... That's how long it took Sheed and his creepy bald spot to get tossed. 23 minutes into the season. What the refs fail to understand -- NAY, REFUSE, to understand -- is that Sheed has never, ever, EVER committed a foul in his entire basketball playing career. Stupid refs.

When asked about it after the game, Sheed had no comment. The bald spot, however, had a few words for the media: "Upset? Shit yea I'm upset! Can't you tell, bitch?! I'm Rasheed's bald spot! And I ain't never do no wrong!!!"

Anyway, from the MSD, congrats Rasheed. You're well on your way.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Man that was ugly. I blame JD. The worst part of it was the whole “worst loss by a defending champion on opening night” thing. But whatever. It means nothing. It was just a case of two different mind-sets. The Bulls came to play basketball, the Heat came to party. No big thing.

Thoughts On The Game & The Bulls
I will say that D-Wade did struggle a bit as he always does against Kirk Hindrich. But he still managed to drop 25 points. Unfortunately, no one else bothered to show up. Antoine Walker at this point just makes me laugh. What else can I do? We’re stuck with him and he is who he is. I’m sure I won’t be laughing when he’s pulling his crap when the games start to matter. But for now, his awkward ball handling and his horrible looking shots at the worst possible time has gotten sort of charming. See what winning a title does for your image?

The Bulls looked just as good as they did last year. That is, they play with a ton of energy and are lights out from the perimeter. Ben Wallace seems to have brought some swagger to this team. Ben Gordon is a very good ball player. At 35, PJ Brown is still a scrappy player and still a tough inside presence. And Andres Nocioni is still a dick. But they don’t impress me all that much. As JD pointed out in the comments, these Bulls are going to be media darlings all season long. But they have no true star on their team. They have no one who can step up and take over a ball game (or a series) like a D-Wade or a LeBron or a Nowitzki or a Nash or a Kobi or a Chauncey. They have a great bunch of players and I love Hinrich. But I think the media may want to hold off on crowning Chicago the 2007 NBA Champions after one game. There are still 3 or 4 teams in the East that are better. That includes the Heat.

Thoughts On the Ring Ceremony
How can I find anything wrong with it? You’ll need to go to an impartial source for any negative feelings about the pre-game ceremonies. The video highlights that kicked everything off brought back those great memories from this past June. All the playoff moments, the celebrations, the hoisting of the trophy. Awesome. Then the presentation of the rings. It had a strange graduation-like feel to it with the player’s name being called and then the Commish handing out the box, shaking the player’s hand and the awkward pose for the picture.

Some of the players like Zo, GP and Toine put the rings on immediately and started putting their hands to their faces and rubbing their chins. And damn those rings are huge. The 2003 Marlins still have the most impressive championship rings that I’ve ever seen but the Heats’ rings are right up there. Bling freakin bling!

Then, finally, they unveiled the banner. Man what a beautiful thing. The Dude got tears in his eyes. The kind of welling up that girls get when the handsome guy and the pretty girl who fought all the odds to win his heart kiss for the first time in one of them chick flicks. It was special. I can’t wait to get down to the AAA and just gawk at that thing and take tons of pictures of it.

That banner will hang there forever. Generations will come and go and that banner will remain. The Miami Heat are the 2006 NBA Champions. And nothing, nothing, nothing is ever going to take that away from us. Ever.

So last night was not about losing to the Bulls (even though it did suck to lose). Last night was about the rings. Last night was about the banner. Last night was about Zo and his speech to the fans – as corny as it was – on how thankful he and the rest of the team are for our support (as like warm as it can get round these parts) and for our energy and love for the team.

Last night was a culmination of why we’re sports fans. Why we root for our teams and live and die with every game. Why I write this blog and why you bother to read it (or even comment in it).

It’s why we love sports. It’s the pinnacle of it all. When your team wins the championship, all your energy and support and unconditional love is rewarded. There's nothing like it in the world.

So I’m not going to let last night’s loss spoil any of it. Last night, the Heat could do no wrong.

Last night, we were crowned Champions.

And it was beautiful.

(Now wake up and start playing some basketball you jackasses!!!)


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