the Miami Sports Dude

Ok ... here we go. (Hit the REFRESH key to see the updates)

The opening montage ... Rocky music ... cool low voice ... over-dramatic sequences .... Did any one else catch the Brady Quinn slow motion shot when he's all wet? Is anyone else as turned on as I am?

All the casts of characters are here. Chris Berman, who will be sweating gravy in about an hour or so, is introducing everyone.

Jets fans boo Keyshawn's introduction. Gotta love Jets fans.

Mel Kiper is introduced.... He's fired up. They've pulled him out of his box in Bristol and wound him up. Chris Berman sweats gravy but Mel Kiper doesn’t sweat. He percolates. The guy lives for this day and when it finally arrives, he’s wired up like a crack head on Red Bull. He can pick up AM radio in his giant hair he’s so wired. Robin Williams thinks Mel needs to relax.

Commerical. I'm gonna grab a pastelito.

Commissioner Goodell is introduced. He looks like he just killed a man in the green room. Goodell is a bit of a bad ass.

The Raiders are on the clock. They will use their entire 15 minutes just to piss us all off.

Al Davis, aka The Cryptkeeper, is calling the shots from his cobwebbed chair. He wants JaMarcus. I think they should go with Calvin. How can you not?

(Ron Jaworski has a big face. Not a big head. Just a big face.)

FIRST PICK: Oakland Raiders select ... QB JaMarcus Russell, LSU

Now it gets interesting.

Calvin is laughing. Laughing hard. Looks like Calvin is going to Detroit. Either that or he's still "experimenting" in the green room.

I just got an e-mail from Roger Goodell to no longer make the joke I just made about Calvin above. He threatened me with something along the lines of stringing me up by my testicles, or something ...

SECOND PICK: Detroit Lions select ... WR Calvin Johnsin, GT. Best. Player. Period.

And look! Lions fans watching the draft in their stadium! Yes, America. They believe!

Saps.

A shot of Brady Quinn with his girlfri ... uh, beard.

Commercial.

THIRD PICK: Cleveland Browns select ... OT Joe Thomas, Wisconsin.

Holy crap! Brady is within shot!!! And I don't mean that in a gay way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sal Pal just said Tampa Bay has an interest in Brady Quinn and his beard. Could be a ploy to force Miami to trade picks. Or could be that they take him since, you know, they have Bruce Grodkowski and a guy who's spleen exploded last year playing quarterback for them right now. And Jeff Garcia (speaking of beards).

FOURTH PICK: Tampa Bay Buccaneers select ... DE Gaines Adams, Clemson

The Buzzsaw is on the clock. I predict they'll take Levi Brown.

Good lord, sweet Baby Jesus, I hate Sean Salisbury (jewchew!)

FIFTH PICK: Arizona Cardinals select ... OT Levi Brown, Penn State. Told ya!

So, do the Fins trade picks with Washington? I think it depends. If the Redskins take anyone else other than LaRon Landry, then Quinn to Miami is even closer. If Washington takes Landry, then the Vikes could grab Quinn ... we'll see ...

Rachel Nichols. Ah. A repreave from the somewhat mannish Suzy Kolber. Nichols is not hot in the traditional sense but, you know, I'd make her my beard.

LaRon Landry and his pasty white agent are on their cell phone, pumping their fists. Seriously, Landry's agent looks like he was up all night doing enough blow to kill a rhino.

Looks like Landry is going to Washington. The suspense will continue because Quinn is sitting somewhere on Minnesota's draft board.

Seems like whatever Washington offered Muel.. it wasn't enough.

SIXTH PICK: Washington Redskins select ... S LaRon Landry, LSU

The mannish Suzy Kolber is interviewing Quinn's leathery agent, Tom Condon. He thinks Minny will take Peterson.

Adrian Peterson is on the PHONE!!!!

SEVENTH PICK: Minn. Vikings select ... RB Adrian Peterson!

WOOO AHHHH!!!!

Why does ESPN hate Miami? They've been doing everything possible to get Quinn to go anywhere else ... Trey Wingo= Jackass. Michael Smith=Voice of Reason.

Big Face says Quinn will be coached well in Miami. I've been saying all along, the marriage would be perfect. Now if only no other team offers antyhing to Atlanta for their pick ... we're good to go ... Trey Wingo put that scenario in my head. Trey Wingo=Dickhead.

EIGHTH PICK: Atlanta Falcons select ... DE Jamaal Anderson, Arkansas

MIAMI IS ON THE CLOCK

NINTH PICK: Miami Dolphins select ... WHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?????????

WR Ted Ginn Jr, Ohio State

I just threw up on my key board.

Meet the new boss, Dolphins fans.

Same as the old boss.

Damn.

DAMN!!! DAMN!!! DAMN!!!!!!!

I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS F%$#ING TEAM!!!!!

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. I've calmed down. My couch and coffee table are now joined as one across the room.

ESPN is rubbing it in. The Dolphins made a huge mistake here. And you know what? ESPN is absolutely right. I don't care that Quinn might be rated lower than the other QBs to the Fins. This is THE guy. And how can you possibly have Ginn rated higher than Quinn? How can you reach for a one-legged punt returner at 9??? How can you be sure the other QBs will even be available to us in the later rounds? The Dolphins screwed the pooch here. But I'm not shocked. They've been reaming us fans for the last decade.

Could be that Randy and Cam have John Beck, Trent Edwards, Drew Stanton or Kevin Kolb rated higher than Quinn?

Or it could be that they have fecal matter for brains.

Yea. That's what it is. What else can it be?

Anyway ... I'm taking a break from the live blog and will resume with it when the Dolphins make their next pick in the 2nd round. See you guys then.

Now excuse me while I go stick my head in the oven.

Labels: MSD Dolphins Draft Live Blog