Saturday, April 28, 2007

MSD Dolphins Draft Pants Party (Live Blog)

What this Dolphin team needs is MORE COWBELL!!!





And with that, we live blog the draft... I'll start at 12:00...

Ok ... here we go. (Hit the REFRESH key to see the updates)

The opening montage ... Rocky music ... cool low voice ... over-dramatic sequences .... Did any one else catch the Brady Quinn slow motion shot when he's all wet? Is anyone else as turned on as I am?

All the casts of characters are here. Chris Berman, who will be sweating gravy in about an hour or so, is introducing everyone.

Jets fans boo Keyshawn's introduction. Gotta love Jets fans.

Mel Kiper is introduced.... He's fired up. They've pulled him out of his box in Bristol and wound him up. Chris Berman sweats gravy but Mel Kiper doesn’t sweat. He percolates. The guy lives for this day and when it finally arrives, he’s wired up like a crack head on Red Bull. He can pick up AM radio in his giant hair he’s so wired. Robin Williams thinks Mel needs to relax.

Commerical. I'm gonna grab a pastelito.

Commissioner Goodell is introduced. He looks like he just killed a man in the green room. Goodell is a bit of a bad ass.




The Raiders are on the clock. They will use their entire 15 minutes just to piss us all off.

Al Davis, aka The Cryptkeeper, is calling the shots from his cobwebbed chair. He wants JaMarcus. I think they should go with Calvin. How can you not?

(Ron Jaworski has a big face. Not a big head. Just a big face.)

FIRST PICK: Oakland Raiders select ... QB JaMarcus Russell, LSU

Now it gets interesting.

Calvin is laughing. Laughing hard. Looks like Calvin is going to Detroit. Either that or he's still "experimenting" in the green room.

I just got an e-mail from Roger Goodell to no longer make the joke I just made about Calvin above. He threatened me with something along the lines of stringing me up by my testicles, or something ...

SECOND PICK: Detroit Lions select ... WR Calvin Johnsin, GT. Best. Player. Period.

And look! Lions fans watching the draft in their stadium! Yes, America. They believe!

Saps.

A shot of Brady Quinn with his girlfri ... uh, beard.

Commercial.

THIRD PICK: Cleveland Browns select ... OT Joe Thomas, Wisconsin.

Holy crap! Brady is within shot!!! And I don't mean that in a gay way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.



Sal Pal just said Tampa Bay has an interest in Brady Quinn and his beard. Could be a ploy to force Miami to trade picks. Or could be that they take him since, you know, they have Bruce Grodkowski and a guy who's spleen exploded last year playing quarterback for them right now. And Jeff Garcia (speaking of beards).

FOURTH PICK: Tampa Bay Buccaneers select ... DE Gaines Adams, Clemson

The Buzzsaw is on the clock. I predict they'll take Levi Brown.

Good lord, sweet Baby Jesus, I hate Sean Salisbury (jewchew!)

FIFTH PICK: Arizona Cardinals select ... OT Levi Brown, Penn State. Told ya!

So, do the Fins trade picks with Washington? I think it depends. If the Redskins take anyone else other than LaRon Landry, then Quinn to Miami is even closer. If Washington takes Landry, then the Vikes could grab Quinn ... we'll see ...

Rachel Nichols. Ah. A repreave from the somewhat mannish Suzy Kolber. Nichols is not hot in the traditional sense but, you know, I'd make her my beard.

LaRon Landry and his pasty white agent are on their cell phone, pumping their fists. Seriously, Landry's agent looks like he was up all night doing enough blow to kill a rhino.

Looks like Landry is going to Washington. The suspense will continue because Quinn is sitting somewhere on Minnesota's draft board.

Seems like whatever Washington offered Muel.. it wasn't enough.

SIXTH PICK: Washington Redskins select ... S LaRon Landry, LSU

The mannish Suzy Kolber is interviewing Quinn's leathery agent, Tom Condon. He thinks Minny will take Peterson.

Adrian Peterson is on the PHONE!!!!

SEVENTH PICK: Minn. Vikings select ... RB Adrian Peterson!

WOOO AHHHH!!!!

Why does ESPN hate Miami? They've been doing everything possible to get Quinn to go anywhere else ... Trey Wingo= Jackass. Michael Smith=Voice of Reason.

Big Face says Quinn will be coached well in Miami. I've been saying all along, the marriage would be perfect. Now if only no other team offers antyhing to Atlanta for their pick ... we're good to go ... Trey Wingo put that scenario in my head. Trey Wingo=Dickhead.

EIGHTH PICK: Atlanta Falcons select ... DE Jamaal Anderson, Arkansas

MIAMI IS ON THE CLOCK

NINTH PICK: Miami Dolphins select ... WHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?????????

WR Ted Ginn Jr, Ohio State

I just threw up on my key board.

Meet the new boss, Dolphins fans.

Same as the old boss.

Damn.

DAMN!!! DAMN!!! DAMN!!!!!!!

I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS F%$#ING TEAM!!!!!

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. I've calmed down. My couch and coffee table are now joined as one across the room.

ESPN is rubbing it in. The Dolphins made a huge mistake here. And you know what? ESPN is absolutely right. I don't care that Quinn might be rated lower than the other QBs to the Fins. This is THE guy. And how can you possibly have Ginn rated higher than Quinn? How can you reach for a one-legged punt returner at 9??? How can you be sure the other QBs will even be available to us in the later rounds? The Dolphins screwed the pooch here. But I'm not shocked. They've been reaming us fans for the last decade.

Could be that Randy and Cam have John Beck, Trent Edwards, Drew Stanton or Kevin Kolb rated higher than Quinn?

Or it could be that they have fecal matter for brains.

Yea. That's what it is. What else can it be?

Anyway ... I'm taking a break from the live blog and will resume with it when the Dolphins make their next pick in the 2nd round. See you guys then.

Now excuse me while I go stick my head in the oven.

Labels:


Comments:
Yah, if that cowbell can protect the QB. Great clip btw.
 
Classic SNL skit...

Jaworski is another one who farts electricity, like Kiper. And yes... big faced indeed.
 
Jaws is ok. ABT... Anyone But Theismann.

JaMarcus to the silver and black, but will he get black and blue behind that o-line?
 
How can the Raiders not take Calvin? Just stupid. Take Calvin here and then grab Edwards with your 33rd pick. The Crypt Keeper is still obviously pulling the strings in Oakland.
 
yes he will muckdog. could break carr's rookie record if he plays in 2007...
 
What do you guys mean? They've got Robert Gallery!!!

LOL
 
Nice pick by the Lions. Well... we'll know if we have a shot at Brady with the next pick...
 
Here's the pick where we find out if Quinn goes or Miami gets a chance to deal.
 
Brady's beard is a bit of a hottie.

A bit.

Anyway, I'd hit that.
 
Oh snap!!! Joe Thomas to the Browns!

GET ON THE PHONE MUEL!!!!
 
The fins are going for Quinn...damn Tampa Bay, pick already dammint!!
 
ESPN is almost begging the Bucs to take Quinn.
 
Quinn is dropping...fucking Washington and Minnesota could make it interesting
 
cardinal fans didn't think our boy Levi was a sexy pick
 
Come on!!!!!!!
Deal with Washington.
 
Muel is on the phone now!!!
 
Nichols says that Mueller could be speaking with Washington right now. Man I'd love it if we can get Quinn AND keep our picks.
 
deal or no deal... we need howie here.
 
Washington went with Landry!!!!
 
it's all about what Minnesota wants to do, i'm sure they're talking about everything including the kitchen sink
 
If Minn takes Peterson... Quinn to the Fins. This is the moment of truth.
 
Adrian Peterson looks nervous. Minny holds the key.
 
my ass cheeks are squeezed tight...
 
Yea Dude.... Quinn's agent IS very leather like. Looks like a horse saddle.
 
It's not a good sign when you see Quinn text messaging.
 
LP: So are mine. But for a completely different reason.
 
Say it ain't so! Schefter just said Minn is going with Peterson. GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Let's go Quinn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
YIPPIEEEE!!!!
 
Are we ready for some FOOTBALL?!!!!!!
 
Oh SHIT!

The Dude's head is going to explode!
 
QUINN IS A FIN!!! HOT DAMN, I JUST CAME!!!
 
Schefter just said a 'Phins official said not so fast on Quinn?
 
Ok, this is it. Should the Dolphins draft TE Greg Olson here?

JUST KIDDING. Quinn's a Fin. A Savior was born.
 
Sorry I missed that Lady :)
 
WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Holy Sh*t!!!
 
Well, another few years of 10 points a game. Maybe the Dolphins have their eye on a QB for the 2008 or 2009 draft. Or 2010. Or 2011.

This is like passing on Brees for Jamar Fletcher all over again. Deja vu.
 
Are you fucking kidding me? I don't even care that we passed on Brady. I can't believe fucking we took Ginn.
 
What a fucking joke! God damn it!
 
The Phins just showed that they have no intention of getting any better. Oh well, the FO proved they don't know what the hell they are doing.
 
I'm in shock. Just utter, complete fuckin shock! What the hell? This team just fucked itself for another 10 years. I'm sick.
 
i'm hoping they know something we don't know...maybe Beck or Stanton was the sexier choice...

(shaking my head with no fucking clue)
 
With picks like this, why should ESPN have any respect for the dolphins. They sure don't deserve it.
 
I'm Done for today!!! You guys take care.
 
If they draft Beck in the 2nd, all will be forgiven because no guarantee Quinn is going to be a great QB. Or Edwards or Stanton or Kolb. There might not be a lot of difference between these guys.

But still. We would've all went to NFL Shop and bought Quinn jerseys immediately.

OK, we have a lot of picks left. Lets let Cam do what he wants to do. See how things stand at the end of the draft.

Sheez. Very disappointing, though.
 
I'm sorry but Ginn does not have enough value at the number 9 pick. This franchise is a joke.
 
I stepped out for beer. I got back and my brother tells me we took Ginn Jr. I totally thought he was fucking with me. But his face said it all.

It's true. We took Ginn Jr. over Brady Quinn.

This guy fell right into our laps and we blew it. I have no desire to watch the rest of the draft.
 
¡No mames! (the Spanish equivalent for "what the fuck?")

The Dolphis just showed no respect for their fan base. C'mon! Do we want to be the league's fool for the years to come?

If not pickin Quinn is a heartbreaker, just wait till tomorrow, when we all wake up with the news that we have our new QB in the head of... TRENT GREEN!!! I cannot believe what I'm seeing.

What do we want? A place kicker in our second pick?
 
i'm at a loss for words. i can't believe this happened... meanwhile Buffalo takes Marshawn Lynch... so the rest of the afc east gets better and we get ... a guy who can't run routes and has a bad foot
 
Now all we're going to hear and see on SportsCenter for the rest of the off-season is how we blew it by not taking Quinn.. along with Quinn giving his "I'm going to prove they made a mistake" interview when he does finally get picked.

What a fucking joke.
 
NO MAMES!!!
 
Perhaps something could still be salvaged. I just noticed this which was posted on PFT ealier in the morning.




We've heard that several teams are calling clubs that hold picks in the bottom of round one in an effort to trade up.

The primary reason for a move is to get a quarterback. The Dolphins, for example, are one of the team who are trying to get in position to get the first pick of the second tier of signal-callers, if they don't get Brady Quinn at No. 9. In fact, one of the reasons that the Fins aren't inclined to trade up for Quinn is that they're content to get a quarterback in round two (or, if they move up, late in round one).

 
on the otherhand... Miami has a lot of needs. WR being one of them. Maybe drafting Ginn first gives them a QB in the 2nd round, thus 2 skilled players. If they would've taken Quinn, then Ginn would've been gone and we'd be left with a lower tier receiver in the 2nd (if at all).

Ginn is a great WR. I watched a lot of Ohio State games and wondered why other teams weren't doubling the guy every single down. He made Smith the QB he was.

Dolphins have a bunch of needs. Lets tick off how many are addressed.
 
BREAKING NEWS...

Miami admits to typo in 9th selection. "We meant to draft Quinn, but I fat-fingered the keyboard on the selection and typed in Ginn. My bad," said Dolphins head coach Cameron. "Adding, Ginn is a heck of a WR, though. So it's not the worst typo in the world."
 
The only thing I can think of here is that they have Quinn rated lower or the same as Beck, Edwards and the others. So their thinking could be: why pay 1st round money to a guy we can get in the 2nd round anyway.

-Jay
 
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You cant beat a clip of Will Ferrell! Its amazing looking back on things that Adrian Peterson slipped so far in the draft.
 
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