the Miami Sports Dude

Golf and basketball have nothing in common. I suppose except for the object of the games, which is to get a ball onto a hole. Unlike most of you, I’m not a big golf guy. I’ve been golfing once or twice and I sucked at it and that was that. But in honor of the Heat and in honor of one of my all time favorite movies, and for no other reason but to amuse myself as I preview this series, I give you the Eastern Conference Championship Series Preview Through Lines From Caddy Shack …

1. Point Guards
“A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a danish”

Last season, the Heat had no real point guard to speak of. We had to endure Damon Jones as our primary point guard. There was nothing like watching him take the full ten seconds to dribble the ball down the court backwards before setting up the offense. And there was nothing like his 1 point in Game 7. This season, Pat Riley got Jason Williams to command that role, as well as Gary Payton to fill in. J-Dub is excellent at getting the ball down court and, being the pure point guard that he is, is a vast improvement over Jones. Still, he has always been and will continually be a defensive liability. We can’t expect too much from J-Dub when he guards Chauncey Billups and we can only hope Payton can help slow Mr. Big Shot down. Still, I like going into this with Williams and Payton over Jones.
Edge: Pistons

2. Shooting Guards
“IT'S IN THE HOLE!!! IT’S IN THE HOLE!!!”

Without Eddie Jones in the lineup, it’s up to Dwyane Wade to step up and play defense against Richard Hamilton. Look for Rip to be aggressive against Wade, whose defense has been very suspect in these playoffs so far. James Posey will step in and help from time to time, but Rip is too quick to be contained by either Wade or Posey. So it will come down to which two guard ends up with the most points, really. Rip is a great player. But never bet against D-Wade.
Edge: Heat

3. Small Forward
“Remember Danny, two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.”

The question of the ages here is Which Antoine Walker Will Show Up? Toine has been lights out this post-season and has kept the Heat boo-birds largely at bay. But Toine has never had success against the Pistons. He’s gone 4-19, 6-19, 5-14 and 4-10 in the last four games against Detroit and now will have the tall task of slowing down Tayshaun Prince, who seems to be playing very un-Tayshaun Prince like lately (translation: he's been scoring a lot). Prince will probably be called to guard Wade most of the time, but he will also be all over Walker. So as to not boo Toine, let us go into this thing assuming he’s not going to have a good series. And let’s just leave it at that.
Edge: Pistons

4. Power Forward
“Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”

Rasheed Wallace has a height advantage over Udonis Haslem. But U plays him tough and he plays him smart. Haslem will probably only guard Sheed in the paint, leaving Posey and others to guard Wallace’s three point attempts. What Haslem must do here is attack the boards and draw fouls from Wallace. Even though Rasheed Wallace has never, never, ever, in his entire life, ever actually committed a real foul. Ever. One of Haslem's strengths is his foul shooting, which could favor Miami down the stretch. It could also frustrate Wallace and get him in Technical trouble. Also, Wallace is playing with a slight ankle sprain and has not had avery good playoffs so far. This means a lot more of Antonio McDyess and he is always a handful.
Slight Edge: Pistons

5. Center
“Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?” “By height.”

Shaquille O’Neal has pretty much owned Ben Wallace in one on one matchups, which is how the Pistons usually guard Shaq. Look for Shaq to get his numbers and for him and Alonzo Mourning to do serviceable jobs against Wallace defensively. There are only two real concerns here. One will be how the refs call each game. Shaq will, without a doubt, be the go-to-guy in the Heat’s offense and they will need him to stay out of foul trouble. The other concern will be rebounding. Wallace is usually the main reason the Pistons get multiple shot opportunities off misses. Shaq, Zo and Haslem will have to be like wild dogs when crashing the boards. Rebounds is what ultimately did in the Cavaliers. Still you gotta go with the Daddy-Diesel over the Crazy-Ass-Fro
Edge: Heat

6. Coaching
“I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself.”

Flip Saunders easily has the cushiest coaching job in the NBA. His only job requirements is to get Rasheed Wallace to shut up against referees, get his guys to play like they care sometimes, and call in substitutes when the situation calls for it. Saunders received a lot of flack for Detroit’s struggles against Cleveland and will have the glare of the Detroit media if the Pistons lose this series. Likewise, Pat Riley used the off season for precisely this series. He traded away Eddie Jones and got James Posey, Jason Williams and Antoine Walker for this. He too has come under a lot fire for these moves. So something will have to give. Still, who in their right mind would pick Flip over Riles in a coaching matchup?
Edge: Heat

7. Bench
“Don’t sell yourself short, Judge. You’re a tremendous slouch.”

The only real threat off the Piston’s bench is McDyess. The Heat have Alonzo Mourning, James Posey, Gary Payton and, lest we forget, MICHAEL DOLEAC!!!
Depth always comes in handy during this time of year.
Edge: Heat

8. Prediction
“Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!”

Most have the Pistons winning this series in seven. It will be a big blow to lose this opportunity for the Heat. They’re getting older. The window of opportunity is closing fast and younger, up and coming teams like Cleveland, Washington and Chicago are getting better with each passing season. This may be Miami’s best and only chance to advance to their first ever finals. It’s going to be a barn burner. So, as a homer I’m picking the Heat. But I'm also picking them because I think the Heat just want it more. I know that doesn’t translate into numbers and the Sheer Desire theory would make Boog Shiambi and Dan Le Batard both have brain aneurisms if they read this (and is that a bad thing, really?). But I think the Heat are hungrier to win this and I think Riley, Shaq and D-Wade will do everything they have to, to push Miami through.

Heat in Seven

Labels: Miami Heat