Thursday, May 25, 2006

ARRRGGHH!!!!: Heat-Pistons GAME 2 REVIEW

A Five Part Game 2 Review (With Pictures!):

I. First Quarter: Twelve Points? TWELVE GODDAMN POINTS????

Here are some highlights:

-Jason Williams missed Jump Shot
-Antoine Walker missed Turnaround Jump Shot
-Antoine Walker missed 3-pt. Jump Shot
-Dwyane Wade missed Turnaround Jump Shot
-Udonis Haslem missed Jump Shot
-Dwyane Wade missed Jump Shot
-Gary Payton missed Driving Layup
-Antoine Walker missed Layup
-James Posey missed Layup

II. Role Players: A Combined 11-37 ... How’s Flounder going to stick up for Toine on his Friday show, I wonder?

This is what I wrote in yesterday’s post: ”The Heat’s role players will remember that they are, in fact, inconsistent, and will shoot at a much lower percentage than in Game 1.”

That is so true it is profoundly sad.

Antoine Walker goes all Antoine Walker on us and goes for a very Antoine Walker-esque 3-12.

How’s Flounder going to stick up for Toine on his Friday show, I wonder? (By the way, in case you missed it, Flounder Le Batard called us Heat fans who boo Antoine Walker, stupid. That’s right. His words. It happened during one of his sweat induced, spit spewing, 20 minute apologist rants on his show on Tuesday. It’s a wonder why the entire sports loving nation cannot stand Dan Le Batard).

Here are the role-player’s numbers. Try not to vomit in your mouth:

Antoine Walker: 3-12
Jason Williams: 3-8
Udonis Haslem: 1-5
Gary Payton: 1-6
James Posey: 2-4
Alonzo Mourning: 1-2

Inexcusable! We can’t be held at the mercy of our role-players playing inconsistently in a best of seven series. They have to be held accountable for their shoddy play in Game 2. Enough of this garbage already!

III. Surfing With The Alien: Tayshaun Goes Off

Prince shoots lights out and goes for 24 points, leading the charge for the Pistons’ Series-tying win. How is this possible? Seriously. The man looks like a malnourished Nephilim (ah, I went all Dennis Miller on yo ass there). So Shaq is Superman, Wade is Flash and they both just got beat by Plastic Man? C’MON!!!!


IV. 1980s: The Bad Boys ... Present: The Whiners

Number one reason I despise the Detroit Pistons: I have never seen a more whiney, complaining, grumbling, moaning, crying, wailing bunch of pussies in my entire life of watching sports.

In all my years of watching NBA basketball, I’ve never seen a supposed championship squad behave like these jack-asses.

Every single call by the referee is met with utter surprise and shock. Every whistle is met by the stunned, flabbergasted face of a Detroit Piston. And I mean all five starters. They throw their hands in the air with their dumbfounded look of absolute wonder and astonishment. They contort their faces with an open jawed look of absolute stupification. Because, as we all know, these Pistons have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever committed a foul. No way, no how. That’s outrageous and preposterous!

You ignorant officials! How dare you call a foul on Rasheed or Rip or Chauncey or Ben or The Alien! That is outrageous, outlandish … ludicrous!

Anyway, more than them being a really good team. More than them being in the way of the Heat’s goal of getting to the NBA Finals. This is the reason I hate the Detroit Pistons. Just shut the F%$# up already!


V. The Hero: Dwyane Wade

Alas, Dwyane Wade’s heroic 32 point outpour was simply not enough. He finished 11-20, 2-4 in three pointers, 8-8 at the free throw line 2 steals and a blocked shot after starting the game off slow. His three pointer with 9 seconds left brought the Heat within 2 points. But it wasn’t enough.

We know we’re going to get that effort from D-Wade every night. The role players have to take their thumbs out of their asses and give the man some help or else that Game 1 win and ensuing celebration will be short lived.

Conclusion: Home Cookin’

The Pistons did what they had to and, frankly, were expected to do – win a must-win and avoid losing another home game. And in the end, the Heat got what they were after: home court. Winning Game 2 would’ve been a nice topper. But, like I’ve been saying here on my posts – the Pistons were going to come hard in Game 2 and they did.

And yet, one can’t help feel the frustration of what could have been. The Heat’s late game rally was commendable but fell well short. Where was that effort in the previous quarter? Where was that effort in the first half? And D-Wade was his usual self, putting up a heroic effort in trying to push his team over the hump. Coming back to Miami, the role-players need to step it up. We can’t keep relying on Dwyane Wade for everything. Cleveland did that with LeBron James and got bounced quick.

Games 2 and 3 must be ours for the taking. Let’s protect home court. Let's go back to Detroit up 3-1.

Don’t panic, Miami. We’re still in control here.

I'm still sticking with my original pick: Heat in 7.


I feel your pain. After reading your post and watching game 2, you're being proved to be a prophet. I don't know what Dan LeRetard was smoking but you can't trust 'toine, he is gonna let you down at some point. It was painful watching jumpshot after jumpshot clang off the rim, when they should have been taking it to the rim. The role players set the bar pretty high after game 1, lets just hope game 2's showing was the low mark for the rest of the playoffs. Go Heat!
Yea -- way to go Nostradomus! You see what your rabbelrousing did!!!

I blame you!!!

I agree with Durt. The bar was set pretty high in Game 1. Still, the role players have to do better than 3-37.

And, yes, Dan Le Retard is a jack ass.

Anyway, good post. I like the emotional but not irrational look at the Heat on this blog and the technical but not without emotion look over at SporTech.

You guys make a nice combo. Like James Posey and Gary Payton. Oh, shit. Sorry. More like Shaq and Wade ;)

"You guys make a nice combo. Like James Posey and Gary Payton."

Ouch. Although I guess its better then a Wright/Kapono combo.

Thanks for the nice words. The Dude has a great writing style I love reading each day.
That game was so frustrating. So sloppy! The good thing is, they can clean it up and make it right for Games 3 & 4. I’m depressed & frustrated today. But I’m looking forward to Saturday night’s game. I will be there and I will be shouting at the tops of my lungs … I hope my fellow Heat fans will join me in turning the AAA into a madhouse.

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