Friday, December 15, 2006

Saban Is None Too Happy, Relative To The Team Doctors

Nick Saban is apparently mad at Dolphins team doctors for telling him Drew Brees’ arm wasn’t going to heal in time for the season. And these same quacks gave Daunte Culpepper’s knee the green light. So, no, Saban is not happy. Allegedly.

I’m not one to say, told you so but … damn it, I told you so! Back when the rumors of a possible signing of either Brees or Culpepper was the story, I wrote in this here blog how much I wanted Brees as our quarterback over Culpepper. I pleaded with Coach Saban to get the right guy. And that guy was Drew Brees. Now, with the Dolphins staring at another season sans playoffs and the Saints have become America’s Team and is among the favorites to play in this year’s Super Bowl, I’m here … writing this blog … telling you that Saban is mad at the team doctors. Because our season is in the frickin toilet bowl. And while Brees is an MVP candidate, Culpepper was placed on IR and his future is as cloudy as Marcus Vick's eyes.

I think Saban should just hire me already. I can be the Dolphins’ version of Theo Epstein. That guy is the tits. As am I. I can advise Saban on what to do and he’d do it and be like, “Damn Dude, nice move. We really got a steal in that trade!” Or “Damn Dude, nice pick. We really got a boat load of great players in the draft.”

And then when the Dolphins win the Super Bowl, and the ESPN mics would be in Saban’s face and Dan Patrick’s bald spot asked Saban how he felt, Saban would be like, “First off … I’d like to thank our GM, The Dude, who helped us make so many great off-season moves to get us to this point, relative to us winning the Super Bowl.”

And then Dan Patrick would ask me to comment on what Saban just said and I’d say, “Ha ha, you said ‘relative to’.”

Then Saban would fire me for being an ostentatious wise ass. But, hey – we would have at least gotten our damn Super Bowl win after 34 years!


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