the Miami Sports Dude

I still stand by yesterday’s prediction of a Dolphins victory in New York. But just for kicks, let’s play what I do not hope will be a weekly game here at the MSD:

WHICH DOLPHIN PLAYER/PERSONNEL WILL FUCK UP THE DOLPHINS CHANCES FOR A WIN THIS WEEK!?

Here's how I'm ranking them this week:

1. Mike Mularkey: Apparently he doesn't read the scouting reports on opposing defenses. How else can you explain the play calling? Unless he's clinically retarded or Saban's been banging his wife and he's looking to get even. Only one of those statements have a remote possibility of being true. And we all know Saban is a faithful family man, so … you draw your own conclusions from there. Is Mularkey an idiot? I’m not going to say. But here’s a sample of what you might hear going on in his brain: “Hmmmm … this is interesting. The Jets are giving up a ton yards on the ground. Okay. Let’s run the ball 8 times per half and throw it 30 times per half! You know, fool them! They know they give up a ton yards on the ground, so we go with the obvious here! If every instinct you have is right … then the opposite would have to be righter! You’re so clever, Mike! Mother was wrong about you! Wrong!!!"

2. Olindo Mare: On grass or on dirt -- he sucks! New York is going to be crisp and dry and I don't imagine the field conditions are going to be immaculately perfect and just to Olindo's tastes. You know, a perfect green perennial ryegrass -- best adapted to moist, cool environments where temperatures are not extreme in the winter or summer. In the United States, the northeastern and northwestern states are well suited to ryegrass. In the transition zone, perennial ryegrass may provide a permanent turfgrass. But in the southern states, both species serve as cool season annuals. Olindo needs the turf to be just the right touch of humidity and oxygen. Instead, it'll be, you know ... football field type of grass. Stupid fucking football fields! You're ruining it for our kicker! Stop it!

3. Joey Harrington: I don't understand some Dolphin fans' excitement over this. Isn't he just a younger, better looking, version of Jay Fiedler? Same arm strength, same mobility and the same Drew-Bledsoe-like knack for throwing the back-breaking interception at the worst possible moments. This is how bad the Culpepper mess has become. We're all very excited about ... Joey Harrington????!!!

4. Zach Thomas: I know. It's sacrilege. But c'mon. The guy has never been very fast or very big. Now he's old, slower and still not very big. Tight ends are shredding him to pieces and he's getting beaten badly by opposing blockers. It sucks to say it. But I think Zach is done. I hope I'm wrong. Until he proves otherwise, he's going to keep getting thrown around mercilessly by opposing blockers like they've entered a dwarf-tossing contest at Tobacco Road.

5. The Offensive Line: Yes, they played admirably last week. They only gave up one sack. But let’s not be fooled. This line sucks. Oh, oh yes … they’re very sucky. Very sucky. The Jets defensive line is kind of smallish, so there’s still some hope here. But LJ "O-Ley!!!" Shelton and Co. have been down this road before with brutal results. We heard it prior to the Tennessee game: Oh we’re going to run all over that defense! We heard it prior to the Houston game: Oh we’re going to run all over that defense! (We're hearing the same chant this week!) 243 sacks later, we’re actually bemoaning the loss of a rookie offensive lineman (Joe Toledo). That kind of navel gazing is supposed to be reserved for the Detroit Lions of the world. The Curse of David Woodley strikes again.

.....

So, who’s it gonna be? Who’s going to fuck it up this week? These are my best bets. But, hey, someone could be a potential sleeper here and emerge as the winner! So, place your bets and let the ponies ride.

Oh hell, let’s just blame it on A-Rod and move on….

Gaines Adams awaits….

Labels: Miami Dolphins