the Miami Sports Dude

You see that pic, Bills fans? That’s right. It’s the appropriate, obligatory pre-game metaphor for what’s going to happen to your team this Sunday. That’s right. Your team is going to resemble a plate of shit.

Oh. I’ve just been told that is a picture of a plate of buffalo wings. My bad.

Anyway … back to the hyperbole blog entry …

Let the ass kicking commence. Last week’s loss to the Steelers was good for the Fins. That’s right. I said it. It was a necessary evil. Just like last year when Reuben Droughns ran all over the defense and the Fins dropped an ultra-embarrassing loss to the Cleveland Browns. After that, they strung together that mad winning streak -- including that win over the Pats that New England fans insist was meaningless -- and never looked back. And … were not good enough to make the playoffs but were just good enough to fall deep in the NFL Draft, thus missing the opportunity to draft my favorite player coming out of college, Vanderbilt QB Jay Cutler, who is going to be a stud in this league. Mark my words. Damn you Mike Shanahan! You’re killing fantasy football and now you draft Cutler!? Damn you, you leather faced, googly eyed bastard!! I hope you get ghonerria!

But I digress.

I’m glad we lost to the Steelers. That’s right. GLAD. Why? Because there’s nothing I hate more than pre-season hype – especially when that hype is directed at my Dolphins. You see, we don’t handle hype very well. Miami sports teams are better served when coming in under the radar. Just look at the recent South Florida championship teams: The 1997 Marlins. No one saw that coming. Well, they did because Wayne Huizenga spent something like two billion dollars for that lineup – much to the chagrin of Bob Costas (which made that World Series championship win all the sweeter. I hate that little bastard).

Okay, bad example.

Let’s start over: The 2003 Marlins. No one saw that coming. Everyone was talking about a Yankees-Giants World Series, remember? The 2004 Miami Heat. Everyone was talking about Detroit, Detroit and more Detroit with a little San Antonio sprinkled in. And there’s even this year’s Marlins, who were doing awesome and were about to win the NL Wild Card and kick major NL ass and kick the Yankees ass again in the World Series when, all of a sudden, ESPN and everyone else started hyping them up as a “sleeper” pick. Note to the World Wide Leader: When you, of all networks, call a team or a player a “sleeper,” they then cease to be a “sleeper.” Fuck you ESPN!

So, when the NFL & ESPN ran their 18 1/2 hour pre game show last Thursday, all the talk was about the Dolphins being a Super Bowl team. And I knew it would kick us in the ass.

So, now that Charlie Batch just threw his 12th TD against our secondary, all the Super Bowl talk has faded away. The usual suspects are now in the conversation: New England, Indianapolis, Seattle, Pittsburgh, etc.

So now that the hype has died down, it’s time to start the real season. At home against the Bills. That’s right, JP Losman. Prepare to have your skinny Adam Sandler looking head stuffed up your ass.

Culpepper is going to come out slingin. Ronnie is going to come out runnin like a Mack truck.

And Saban is going to be throwing the red challenge flag like Nolan Ryan threw a fastball.

This victory will then bring back all the Super Bowl hype, thus fucking us over. But hey – a loss to New England will fix all that.

(Oh and … GO CANES tomorrow!)

Labels: Miami Dolphins