the Miami Sports Dude

The Glory IS HERE.

The Tradition IS HERE.

The Passion IS HERE.

The Overblown Expectations IS HERE.

The Gimpy Fumbling Quarterback IS HERE.

The Rabid, Irrational Dolphins Fans IS HERE.

The Coach That Likes To Say "Relative To" and "In Terms Of" IS HERE.

Look, all I’m going to say about the Titans matchup this weekend is: We better win and win big and not struggle and blow them out of our building.

Or else the shit is going to hit the fan.

And I don’t mean that metaphorically. I mean, literally, the majority of Dolphins fans will have one giant collective aneurism, go clinically insane and immediately begin tossing feces at things.

Look, the Titans suck. They SUCK. They’ve given up a ton of points this season and have … now check this out … Kerry Collins as their quarterback. Yes, they have Vince Young too. But the kid is a rookie. They also have Chris Brown, a guy who has no business playing running back in the NFL and should really be knocking on doors, giving people the electronic clipboard to sign, asking them their last name and handing them their package.

This is a Titans team that had a quarterback – head coach feud just this past week. The quarterback demanded to be traded, was traded and said some mean things on his way out.

The quarterback? Third stringer Billy Volek. That’s right. This Titans team is in such disarray that the head coach and a guy who isn’t good enough to supplant a rookie and Kerry Freakin Collins on the quarterback depth chart, are having a public spat.

So come on, Dolphins. No excuses. No excuses!

If you can’t beat these guys, then I want all my money back. All the money I’ve spent on Dolphins tickets, jerseys, bobblehead dolls, books, posters, t-shirts, caps, visors, wristbands, boxers, tickets (yes, I said it twice), mini-helmets, coffee mugs, beer huggers, car flags and, not to mention, all the time and energy and emotion I’ve spent on you guys. If you can’t beat the damn Titans, I want all of it back! You owe me. You owe all us fans.

Because this is no longer a football game. It’s a quest. It’s a quest to avoid an embarrassing 0-3 start at the hands of a team that will be battling the Raiders for the top pick in next year's NFL Draft. It's also a quest to win one goddamn football game. And you’re gonna win big. You’re gonna win so big we’re all gonna be whistling Zippity-Do-Da out of our assholes!!!

You see how close to the edge I am? … And I got the brand muffins and coffee ready.

So win!

FINAL SCORE:
Titans: 3
Dolphins: 31

By the way, the Sports Guy has chimed in on Culpepper. It’s not pretty. But it’s right on the mark. He's so right on the mark, I literally trembled when I read his column. The future looks bleak.

GO DOLPHINS!!

Labels: Miami Dolphins