Thursday, September 21, 2006

Pick Me Out A Winner ...


Taking a break from living in world where the Dolphins are 0-2 … it’s time to check up on the Dude’s Fantasy Leagues. Hoorahh!!

I’m in a few leagues with buddies of mine here and there, but for the sake of blogdom I will be updating my progress in two specific leagues I’m a part of:

The Deadspin Commenters Major League (I re-named it so JD doesn't get pissed thinking that I am belittling his league – which I am most certainly not. It's just that there are other Deadspin leagues and this one distinquishes itself as the Major League. Don’t piss off JD! He’ll go off on a Jeff Fisher like rant on yo ass!!*)

The SportTech Matter League (Started by the aforementioned JD, who runs the SporTech Matter blog who, by the way, gets my vote for Miami blog of the Month for posting a picture of Channing Crowder in drag.)

I suppose it’s good to list both leagues. Because I seem to be doing well in one while sucking ass in the other. So you get the best of both worlds. And, as I implicitly trust your wisdom, dear MSD reader, I will be asking for your fantasy feedback and any advice you may have – no matter how smart assy the advice is.
*JD: I kid because I love.

So here we go:

Deadspin League:

It’s a league of 16 – that’s right – 16 teams! And The Royal We (my team) are 1 of 4 to be 2-0. That’s right. 2 and 0. I’m smarter than Nick Saban.

My team has been riding the hot streak of several players. Of course, this hot streak won’t last all year … so I’m enjoying and gloating on the moment until everything collapses and my team becomes the shit kicking, bottom of the barrel, sucky suckersons it was destined to be. But it’s fun to be in 2nd place in a 16 team league.

This week, my QB Drew Bledsoe is on a bye week. And I’m sure he’ll throw 2 interceptions and get sacked 5 times while enjoying his time off. Enter my backup. The ever dangerous Alex Smith. He plays against Philly this week. And it’s either I start him or pick up Billy Volek from the waiver wire.

The rest of my team:
RB Edgerrin James
RB Brian Westbrook
WR Plaxico Burress
WR Antonio Bryant
K David Akers
D Carolina

This week we shoot for 3-0. Can it be done? Can Plaxico Burress keep playing at the high level he’s at right now? (OOO, LOOK OUT LOOK OUT!!!) Can Alex Smith step up in the absence of Bledsoe? (HELP ME!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!) Can The Royal We separate themselves from the other 15 teams and start the season off 3-0??? (MASHED POTATOES, GRAVY AND CRANBERRY SAUCE … WooOOhooooo!!!!!)
SporTech Matter League:

In a league of 10 teams, 2 of which are MSD regulars – JD and Kalibleek – The Crushernauts are a hapless 0-2 and dead last in the standings.

Matt Hasselbeck? A bum. A balding bum. I blame Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Bitch!
Randy Moss? I’d rather have Christopher Cross. Because I often find myself caught between the moon and New York City. I know … I know … It’s crazy. But it’s true.
Roy Williams? There are underachievers and there are guys who just don’t pan out. And then there’s this overrated crap artist.
Matt Jones? He shows up every week. But the Jags are not exactly the Bengals on offense.

I won’t get into the rest of the team other than to say my lone player is LaDanian Tomlinson … my first pick. After that, it as inept as a team can get. AND LT is on a bye week this week so … the hits just keep on coming…

And one more thing – from now on, I will not play in leagues that feature IDPs. It’s bad enough that I apparently know shit about offensive players, now they expect me to get all Bill Belichick and draft defensive players too?

So .., if you’re still with me … any advice, any tips, any thing at all. I need to keep momentum in one league and win one goddam game in the other.


Here's my advice ... YOU SUCK!!!!!
No, rojo ... YOU suck.

But thanks for playing.
My advice ... get a life.

Just kiddin.

I'm not sure how this fantasy football thing works. But I got two words for you: Travis Minor.

You're welcome.
trade next year's 2nd round pick for AJ Feeley!
Is Fiedler available in your league?
All wise-assery aside. I feel your pain, Dude. I have Randy Moss and Roy Williams as my receivers. I also have Cadillac and LaMont Jordan!

That's right. I have the Official Shit Spray Team of 2006

My record ... hold on to yer hats ... 0-2.

Ugh. I just depressed myself.





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