the Miami Sports Dude

• Minor League Baseball team, the Lake Elsinore Storm, gave away Tom Cruise bobble couch dolls last week. You can buy yourself one on eBay. Personally, I think the doll looks more like the Fonze trying to take a shit while saying "Heyyy!!!" I also think it would be cool if the Storm gave away an accompanying "Brain Washed Katie Holmes" bobble head doll as well. Except that instead of her head, her eyes would bobble and the doll would have a string that you pull to make it say, "Help me ... help me ..."
• This via SporTech Matter: Our very own Miguel Cabrera will participate in the All Star Game's Home Run Derby on Monday. So tune in and root for our boy.
• ESPN Page 2 is hiring. But you have to know what's cool to be considered. Because we all know how ESPN is the arbiter of coolness.
• The NFL is trying to "jazz up" its new program NFL Replay with rap. Oakland Raider and former Hurricane (the 5 time National Champion Hurricanes, that is) Warren Sapp will sing about watching games on Sunday, popping up from behind a couch that then breaks apart to reveal a football field. Another former Cane, Clinton Portis will appear in different flashy outfits, like he does for postgame interviews. I swear I did not make that up. I think we should get Kalibleek to consult on this before it becomes a train wreck of stupidity and self-parody.
• Looks like the Heat may not make any big splashes in the free agent market this off season. Personally, I think we need to retire Gary Payton, give him his ring, thank him for his contributions, vote him into the Hall of Fame and sign us a young defensive guard to replace him. Lindsey Hunter, perhaps? (Update, Hunter re-signed with Detroit. Thanks JD).
• JE Skeets' take on some of the bigger off-season NBA moves.
• Bill Simmons -- the same Bill Simmons that said Dwyane Wade should not re-sign with Miami -- apparently has changed his mind. Leave it to D-Wade to have the power to silence not only Mark Cuban (who went into exile for a week after the NBA Finals ended) but also the Sports Guy -- who, again, we love ... but does carry the obnoxious self-importance all New England sports fans carry, a bit too heavily. Plus he said D-Wade should leave and that's a big No-No round these parts.
• Nick Saban is telling his guys to cool it. You hear that Daunte??? Save it for the season buddy!!
• The Dude has been invited to participate in an all Deadspin commenters Fantasy Football league. This should be fun. I of course will post my progress every week. The Dude welcomes any and all fantasy related tips.

And finally, ESPN has this poll question: Who would you trust to hit a walk-off HR. This led me to ponder my own poll question (even though, technically, I am not posting a poll): If you had either of these guys on your team. And you needed A-Rod to hit a game-winning RBI or Shaq to hit a game winning free throw, which one would you choose?

I just blew my mind.

# posted by The Dude : 1:27 PM