Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Dude Emerges To Answer Your E-Mails

For those of you who continue to return even though I haven’t posted anything in a while, I thank you! You are dedicated readers and that’s rare to find. Either that or you’re all a bunch of masochists. I fear I may have lost a chunk of readership because of the lack of posts. That, or I suck. Either way is bad. Anyway, I have a minute to spare so I’ve decided to post answers to actual e-mails I’ve received in the last few weeks. I’m planning to write up a review of the Miami Heat NBA Champs DVD as soon as it arrives. Damn thing is taking forever. I thought I was being clever when I pre-ordered it right after we won Game 6, thinking I’d get it before everyone else. Real smart. Damn Publix has it stocked right next to the tabloids and M&M's and I’m still waiting for the damn mail to deliver it like I’m waiting for the Pony Express to arrive. Real great review that’ll be. A review of a DVD everyone else has already seen. If it doesn’t get here soon, I’m going to headbutt somebody! I also plan on attending one of the Dolphins’ training camps this weekend, so I’ll write about that too. Anyway, here’s my mail with answers:

--It’s been like a week since you posted anything. What have you been doing?

Been workin like a sumbitch. This is the busiest time of my year – late July to early August. Also, I’ve really had nothing to write about since the Heat won the title (which has not stopped being friggin awesome!). Sure, I can write about the Heat being scheduled to play on Christmas Day again or Dan Marino’s new NutriSystem commercials. But, meh. Dan lost 20 pounds and it shows! My childhood idol looks like a malnourished commercial fisherman now! He's all leathery and sun burned and has a thin pencil-neck. Seriously, what the hell! This was the last thing Marino needed to be peddling. You know who needs to hawk NutriSystem (and diet on it)? That one-balled no talent hack, John Kruk -- that's who. That fat bastard is looking more and more like a blowfish every night. Just watch him as he tries to analyze A-Rod’s swing on Baseball Tonight. He’s out of breath and sucking wind like he just sprinted 2 miles before he gets his second sentence out. And could his head get any bigger? It looks like it’s about to explode like that dude’s head did in the movie “Scanners.” Except instead of brains and blood smeared all over the Baseball Tonight set and crew, there’ll be pancake batter everywhere. Okay … I’m done.

--Do you have a girlfriend?

Currently I do not. The Dude is unfettered. Are you hot? If so, feel free to e-mail me again. Wait. Are you a woman?

--Seen any good movies lately?

The last movie I saw in the theater is Superman Returns which I enjoyed very much (I am a HUGE Superman fan. In fact, I sport a very Shaq-like Superman tattoo on my left shoulder. And yes, Captain Caveman, I can fight.)

--What CD do you currently have in your CD player?

Right now, I have “10,000 Days” by Tool. Not as good as their previous stuff. But still, it’s Tool. Tool rocks!

--Read any good books so far this Summer?

With very little personal time, I have not been able to read much. Earlier this year I read “Fantasyland” by Sam Walker. Very entertaining read (if you play fantasy baseball). And I just picked up a copy of “Feeding The Monster” by Seth Mnookin. So far it’s really good. And yes, I do read other stuff besides sports related books. But sports is my passion – reading about it, writing about it and participating in it.

--What are your favorite blogs to read?

That one’s easy. I take about twenty minutes from work daily to scan the net and read my favorite blogs (and eek out a comment or two here and there). There’s Deadspin, of course. I am a commenter there and it’s really cool. But I’ve noticed a spike of new commenters lately and I gotta say, it’s getting awfully crowded (and less funny). But hey, I’m not complaining. Just making an observation.

There’s also Kissing Suzy Kolber which I’ve pushed on you guys here before. Should be a lot of fun to read as the season progresses.

I’ve also been a long time reader of Father Knows Shit. In fact, I believe I am the first loyal reader of that blog. Just saying. Now it’s getting crowded too. Like that one episode of Seinfeld when Kramer swims in the East River and then Elaine’s boyfriend figures out how good for the back it is and invites a bunch of back patients to join them and Kramer is all, "You people get your own river to swim in!". Yea, it’s like that. And like the East River, F.K.S. is full of shit. Not litteral shit. And no, it’s not full of shit as in the traditional way of saying it, like, “That George W. Bush is full of shit!” I mean the word shit appears in it a lot. It’s even in the title. The word Shit makes me laugh. If I ever become a movie star because of my movie star good-looks and appear on Inside The Actor’s Studio with James Lipton and he asks me what my favorite curse word is, know what I’m going to say? That’s right. Motherfucker! Anyway, F.K.S. has been on a tear lately with its list of Assholes, Douchebags and Badasses. Very funny. Like me.

You know I’m a regular at SporTech Matter. JD is the man. He’s also been more faithful to posting than I have. He’s good like that. Me? I think I qualify as an Asshole under the F.K.S. guidelines. I will say this – there aren’t a lot of South Florida based sports blogs out there but as far as I’m concerned, we two are THE best. The best, Jerry! THE BEST!!

I also frequent Karmic Payback. There’s something about a war veteran Marine who picks up hot chicks, writes about it as well as writes about his time in Iraq and frequently posts pictures of cats in clothing that says, "This blog kicks ass." Every now and then I like to visit New York on my vacation time. Next time I go up there, I’m going to meet up with the Captain and go pick up chicks together. I swear I am. It needs to be done. Like when Michael Mann put DeNiro and Pacino together in Heat. Needed to be done.

There’s also Stuck on The Palmetto. THE best South Florida blog there is. Period. Plus, Rick is funny, rants about the dumb-ass politicians down here and plays a mean game of golf. Gotta love that.

Kalibleek is one of my new favorites. He’s a Chargers fan which sucks from my perspective. But he’s also a Heat fan, which rocks! And he is one funny dude. Kali posted one of the funniest blog-post headlines I’ve ever read. Only because, as a blogger on a free blog site, I feel his pain.

I like the Mighty MJD a lot and YaY Sports is always a must-read for me. As is The Basketball Jones.

--Any summer movie you’re dying to see?

Well I’ve already seen Superman. I guess I’ll see Pirates soon. Yes, I’m the guy who hasn’t seen it yet. I’ll be sure to donate my $10.00 to their $500,000,000.00 pot soon. I do want to see Miami Vice. Because it’s Miami, because I remember the show and because Colin Farrell is cool. Besides, I had a beer with him one night while he was shooting the movie down here. Happened over at Tobacco Road. Very cool guy.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I’ll be posting more frequently. I promise. And keep those e-mails coming!

Seth Mnookin's a pretty damned good writer. And that book is interesting. Hope you finish it.
Thanks for the words, Dude!
Good to see you back you lazy bastard! FKS is right. You are an asshole!!!

Ok got that off my chest ... I have no desire to watch Miami Vice. Not right now anyway. Maybe because I don't want to pay to see it (where are you watching $10 movies by the way??? Unless you're 12 years old or a senior citizen) Maybe I'll watch it when it comes out on DVD... Netflix, beeeatch!!

By the way, you forgot to mention Baseball Prospectus among the books you've read. I'd like to hear what you think of this year's edition.

I'm out. Off to Publix to buy me a Snickers and the Miami Heat NBA Champions DVD.
You get emails other then the Viagra and Cialis ones I forward to your inbox everyday?? DAAAAAMN I must be doing something wrong.

Glad to see you back Dude. I am boycotting Miami Vice. Jamie Foxx is no Tubbs.

Anyone remember these badass shirts from the Miami Vice era? http://www.retroduck.com/images/products/03/03-0146r.jpg

Hahahhahaha those were the days. Glad your back Dude! Thanks for the plug like usual.
Sorry Dude, I did not like Superman Returns. Too chick-flicky. Less talk more action! Although that airplane scene was the shits. Maybe the next one will be better.

The new Tool is ok. Have you heard the new Chili Peppers? Pretty decent. What about the new PJ album?

Keep the posts coming. The John Kruk thing had me cracking up.
Haha @ that whole entry (let me know how the Heat DVD is; I might have to pick that up myself).

What can I say...I was too ambiguous with my NFL fandom for too long (I've liked the Buccaneers, the Steelers, the Panthers, the Falcons and finally the hometown Chargers). I finally decided to pick a team...and San Diego won out, mainly because of LT (the 2nd) and the fact that I can actually attend their games without hopping on a flight to another state.

However, I know a couple other Dolphins fans...and I think I'd suffer more punishment from them if I was a Bucs fan. Am I right about this?

This is the worst time of year for sports. Well, until this past week. At least training camp is finally starting up for the NFL. Our short nightmare is almost over.
Generally, we regard the Bucs as our "little sister" up across the state. But since they won the Super Bowl a couple of years back, we kinda stopped picking on them, what with the whole Dave Wandstedtt, Ricky Smokes Pot thing down here. Still, Chargers fans are definately more welcome here than Bucs fans.

I just got the Heat DVD and will post something on it real soon.
Thanks for the shout, Dude. I always mean to check in here more often, but Miami just doesn't make it to the front of my brain often enough.

Your first beer in NYC is on me.
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