the Miami Sports Dude

When the Heat win a game, I'll probably do this. When they lose, I'll probably be too pissed off to post anything at all. Anyway, here are my Game 1 notes for your wasting-of-time enjoyment ...

Pre-Game

-The ABC pre game analysts are going over game plans and strategy. Scottie Pippen is speaking about how the Pistons need consistency on defense to win this series. Tim Legler discusses the importance of Pat Riley’s direction and leadership. And Stephen A. Smith is shouting. There’s nothing quite like some in-depth pre game analysis from a 6 time NBA champion and a guy who shouts a lot. Seriously, can we just speed up time and get to the end of Stephen A. Smith’s 15 minutes already?

TV Commercial: The Omen
Oh, that Damian ... What a cute, rambunctious, rabblerousing little kid! Nothing like a heartwarming coming of age summer time movie … sigh …


1st Quarter

-The Heat are off to an 11-0 start. The Pistons have missed all first 6 shot attempts. Better yet, the refs are actually letting Shaq play! Excellent sign of things to come!

-Four Words: D-Wade Is On Fire! (D-Wade counts as one word, right?). Is there anyone in the NBA better at finishing at the basket than Dwyane Wade? Ah ... no. And that includes the Chosen-One-Witness-Nail-Biting-King-Bron-Bron.

-J-Dub and Antoine are off to good starts. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

-So far, all the foul calls are going the Pistons way (Pistons 6-Heat 1). Detroit is within reach thanks to the refs. Detroit’s 6th Man of the Year.

-The quarter ends. But not before Toine throws up a patented Toineward lay up from the top of the key. This would only be an issue if we were losing. But we’re not. Only Toine would attempt a lay up from the top of the key ... It’s just Toine being Toine.

Heat 33 – Pistons 25


2nd Quarter

-Sheed throws up his first Hail Mary three pointer. And misses. Still, the Pistons mount a heavy comeback and the Heat lend a helping hand with turnovers and horrible shot selection. So much for the hot start. Detroit is within 6.

-Foul called on Rasheed and – what??? No crying or whining??? This is a monumental sports occasion!!! If ABC’s Wide World of Sports was still on the air, this moment would be the featured spot. Maybe it’ll make the George Michael's Sports Machine.

-Detroit is making another strong run. Did we expect this to be easy in any way? The crowd is getting lively.

-More than any other Piston, none scares me more than Antonio McDyess. The guy can be a starter pretty much anywhere else in the NBA. I wish he played for us. Damn it.

-More turnovers. More bad shots. That’s the Miami Heat I know and love! Detroit is within 2.

-Turnovers!!! #%$@^ turnovers!!!! 4 in the 2nd already and Dwyane Wade just got hit with his 3rd foul and has to sit. Time for Toine to step up. Shit.

-But, hey, look everybody – Gary Payton has arrived! Solid outing from GP, who keeps us from completely imploding.

Time Out: The TV shows Bill Lambier in the front row and he is completely shitfaced. “Did you guys see George Clooney trying to solve that thing over there?”

-The half ends flatly. Zo is pissed because he didn’t get the final shot. Nobody passed him the ball even though he was one-on-one with Ben Wallace. Zo is grunting and stomping around and angry. Like Frankenstein. His teammates are the angry villagers with torches and pitch forks as they usher him into the locker room. Still, I’m with Zo.

Heat 48 – Pistons 44


3rd Quarter

-The Heat start off hot again. But, again, turnovers and fouls are keeping Detroit in this.

-Shaq just fouled Ben Wallace with an elbow to the face. The report says Wallace has his two front teeth loose. THAT’S FRIGGIN AWESOME!!!

-Wade just picked up his 4th foul! What the hell?

-And with that, the Pistons take the lead for the first time tonight. Still, the fans are not as loud & cheerful as they should be. Maybe it’s because they just remembered that they live in Detroit. Oh snap! Ok … back to the game.

-Udonis has been solid getting rebounds and playing defense. But he’s 0-7 on offense. He's trying desperately to snap out of his oh-fer. Here’s my solution for you, Udonis: PASS THE BALL!!!!! This is neither the time nor the place to try and shoot your way out of a personal slump. That’s what February is for.

-Walker is fouled by Tayshaun. Tayshaun pleads his case like the alien who has just been assigned to perform the anal probing on the human subject who has just been picked up hunting in the woods. (Seriously, the guy looks like an alien)

-The Heat come back on the tippy toes of our boy, Toine. His three ties it. Next possession, Posey’s three puts us back ahead. 63-60.

-Miami finishes the quarter on a nice run. Gary Payton thinks he’s still living in the 90’s. But tonight, he’s playing like he’s still living in the 90’s. And I’ll take it! Quick! Everybody hide your iPods!!!! For the love of God, don't let Gary see your iPods!!!!

Heat 66 – Pistons 61


4th Quarter

TV Commercial: The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift.
Hollywood has officially run out of ideas.

-We start the quarter 0-2 and a turnover. But Gary hits a three. The man is playing possessed. C’mon Seattle!!

-Wade returns. The Pistons are struggling with their shots. At home. We must take advantage of this!!!

-Sitting out has not affected Wade in the slightest. He’s gone 9-10 tonight. 9-10! The Heat are up 77 – 67. BUT …

- … Sometime in the remaining 5:48, the Pistons WILL make a run and the Heat must withstand it.

-What’s this? The Heat play Hack-A-Ben? Interesting. He misses both free throws. Interesting? No. Friggin brilliant!! Side note: The sideline reporter tells us she asked Riley before the game if he would play the Hack-A-Ben. As if this was something they did often? They've NEVER done it. But between you and me, I think Riley stole this idea from her. Riley: "No, we're not going to do the Hack-A-Ben. It's not something we do (Hack-A-Ben? Why didn't I think of that??? That's brilliant!). So, I doubt we'll do it tonight."

-The refs calls are keeping the Pistons in this.

-Detroit makes one final push. They call a timeout with 50.8 seconds left.

-Rip Hamilton attempts a lay up. But from seemingly out of nowhere, Wade blocks his shot. He does not fear your creepy sweaty mask!

-Wade blocks shot. Wade seals game. I AM A WITNESS (NIKE SWOOSH)

-The Heat take Game 1! In the immortal words of Marv Albert: “YES!”

Final Score: Heat 91 – Pistons 86

Heat lead Series 1 - 0

GAME 2, THURSDAY: Expect the Pistons to come out with guns a-blazin'.

Labels: Miami Heat